You can’t get to the next town without going through some tall grass
12 Things you should do if you love someone
1. Write them poetry even if it’s shitty. I don’t care if it’s fucking nonsense. Write how they make you feel like fire.
2. Let them cry into your shirt. Let them wipe their snot and tears on you. It doesn’t matter if it’s your favorite shirt. If you love them you won’t care.
3. Count the stars with them. When you see a shooting star. Tell them how you wished for them to kiss you. Then fucking kiss them.
4. When they tell you they want to die. Look them in the eyes and whisper “I fucking love you.” Stay up with them all night and talk them out of it. Remind them that they extinguished the pain in your heart and say you’ll help do the same.
5. Bring them roses. I don’t care if they’re a boy or a girl. Roses will make anyone’s day.
6. On the days they’re afraid they’ll lose you. Kiss their forehead, remind them that you love them more than you love your favorite band and then kiss their lips so passionately that they’re questioning themselves as to why they asked that question.
7. Sing with them. They won’t care if your voice is shitty. They’ll be more focused on the redness of your cheeks than the rattle of your vocal chords.
8. When they wake up in the morning tell them their beautiful. Say their messy hair and sleepy voice is the reason you get up in the morning. Tell them you live for their good morning smile.
9. When they’re puking in a bucket because they’re sick, hug them. They’ll resist and say how there’s vomit all over them. Hug them anyways. It’ll mean the world to them.
10. When you touch them, tell them that they are a masterpiece. Every curve of their body is beautiful. Especially their soul. Remind them that they are a supernova and you’d love them even if they exploded.
11. On the days they make you want to tear your hair out, remind yourself that you picked them for a reason. Remember that you chose them and they chose you.
12. Just fucking love them even when they don’t deserve it.
May 16th// 11:08 pm
“Hey, I guess you’re asleep. Call me back when you wake up”
July 24th// 5:04 am
“Wake up I miss you”
September 8th// 2:09 am
“I just wanted to hear your voice”
September 8th// 2:16 am
“Okay listen. I think I might be in love with you please call me back.”
October 11th// 5:42 pm
“Baby girl I love you, I’m so happy you’re mine I’ll see you tonight.”
November 29th// 8:06 am
“You’re still asleep and you’re the most beautiful thing in the world. I can’t wait to get home and see you. I can’t wait to kiss you.”
December 12th// 9:16 am
“Look I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t mean it. I still love you princess. I love you. I’m sorry. I just.. I love you alright. Call me back when you can.”
January 15th// 4:06 pm
“I’m out and I saw something that made me think of you so I thought I would call you. I miss your voice.”
January 18th// 9:12 am
“Baby get dressed, I’m picking you up in 15, let’s run away.”
January 23rd// 8:47 pm
“Oh god your mother hates me”
February 14th// 3:06 pm
“Happy Valentine’s day I love you more than anything. You’re the world. You’re everything good. I’d let you swallow me whole. I like the way you look when you’re tired. I hate it when you cry. I’ll see you” tonight baby.”
February 24th// 12:09 am
April 8th// 4:06 am
“Hey… I need to come over and get the rest of my stuff.”
If you find yourself thinking “Wait. Can’t say that. He’ll think I’m weird and fucked up.” Ditch them and find someone who responds with something twice as weird and three times as fucked up.
A co-worker closed the door to the staff room behind him.
It locked automatically
and I started planning what I could use as a weapon:
smash the glass beside the fridge into his eye.
pick up the fork next to me and sink it into his leg.
claw him across the face if I couldn’t get to anything in time.
As I calculated how hard it would be to shove his body weight off of me,
he finished making his lunch, said, “Sup,” and left,
the door automatically locking behind him.
I expect if I told him I was prepared to stab him with the corner of my staff ID if I had to,
he would say what I’ve heard too often, the one we all know
but are getting wearily suspicious of:
Not all men are like That.
When I was eleven, all the girls in my class got sent to self-defence
because they assumed we’d need it one day.
When I was twelve, there was a prostitute’s body dumped in the river next to my house
because someone thought she was disposable.
When I was thirteen, it happened again and this time the man went to jail
and people stood outside the courtroom and held up signs that he did the right thing.
When I was fourteen, my friend showed up to a sleepover late, chest heaving from sobbing
and from running four blocks after getting chased by a man that followed her off the bus.
When I was fifteen, my mother accused me of being a Man Hater
and I said, “No, but god, would you blame me if I was?”
I got catcalled and then got laughed at when I flipped them off.
they pulled up beside me and I clutched my bag tighter,
my hand going in for my keys and my mind going over how their noses would look
if I smashed them in with my elbow.
“What’s the big deal,” the guy at the steering wheel asked. “We’re just complimenting you. We’re not like That.”
Sorry, but I’m not going to trust you in case I end up on a poster labelled ‘MISSING.’
Even if you seem like the nicest guy, I’ll still have one hand holding my keys
as the only knife I’m allowed, because I don’t know how far you’re going to take it:
if you won’t back off when I tell you I don’t want to date you
if you’ll shout BITCH at me when I don’t respond well to your catcall
if you’ll expect my body as a reward for treating me like a human being
if you’ll try to take what you think you’re owed by being a man
if you’ll turn me into another statistic that people shudder away from.
I have been trained to assume that it’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing
or face the consequences.
I don’t know if you’ll nod when I reject you
or pump me full of bullets.
Every single woman I’ve talked to has a story where they haven’t felt safe in their own body
because of what a man said or did.
Not all men are like That, but god, it’s enough.
HOW TO STAY IN LOVE:
1. Tell your partner that you love them every day. You are not only reminding them, you are primarily reminding yourself. They say that the people who say ‘I love you’ the most are the happiest. And they’re right. Get creative: find more ways to say it. I love you. Je t’aime. Te amo. My love. My one and only. Love you. Te quiero.
2. Don’t forget to have more low-key dates now and then. Sure, going to a fancy hotel restaurant is nice, but the next day you might be aware of all the crystals missing from your chandelier. There’s a certain comfort in picking up your loved one from the airport or eating at a nearby food court. It’s like saying, ‘Hey, you turn a regular experience in to an exciting one. With you, there’s no such thing as unhappy.’
3. The best moment to consolidate your relationship is when our loved one is going through a difficult time. For some, that is a time of high tension, but it really doesn’t have to be. When your partner is down, you learn to make their life brighter from the inside instead of trying to change external factors. You can’t control the fact that they got fired from their job or that their uncle passed away—but you can control what you bring to their life. What better excuse to be a bundle of sunshine?
4. Make cheating as unthinkable as incest. If you are truly in love, you will not be able to kiss someone else without tasting your loved one’s tears as they stain your lips. You will not be able to take your clothes off with someone else without feeling like a field ripped bare to its soil. Make cheating a dealbreaker for you and assume that it is for your partner too.
5. Make their desires your own. If they want to go to college in a different state, don’t sabotage them. If they fantasize about you in a certain way, turn their desires to reality. If they like how you look in a dress and you prefer jeans, wear dresses more often. You don’t have to change yourself in order to make compromises. You don’t have to lose yourself while trying to find your loved one.
6. See their side of the story. Even if it’s 2 a.m. and they’re accusing you of things you never thought you were capable of doing, sit quiet for a moment and listen to what they’re actually saying. Let go of your defensive wall and think about the impact your actions has on your loved one. Always empathize.
7. Give your loved one random presents. If you’re going to the mall, pick up a flirty gift. If you’re on vacation, buy them a souvenir that means something to them. If you’re going to Starbucks, order their favorite drink. Little gestures go a long way.
8. Dream about the future—but realistically. Don’t tell your loved one you can’t wait to get married after five months, but give them hints that you’re committed. Examples can be making plans for your anniversary, preparing surprises for Valentine’s Day, and letting them know you want to go to the next step. ‘I know we’ve slept together, but you’ve never stayed the night. I’d like to try that.’ It’s not about going fast—it’s about going slow but doing so with passion.
9. Spice things up constantly. Keep both yourself and your partner on your tiptoes by going to new places, trying new positions, changing up your dynamics, using new idioms, etc. Put the two of you in new territory so that you can feel like you’re always learning something new about each other. This way, it will be difficult to ever feel like strangers, because you will have gotten accustomed to watching each other grow, change, and be exposed to new situations.
10. Get to know where they come from. It’s useless trying to love someone without considering their family, background, and past experiences. Slowly break away any boundaries between the two of you and let yourself see even the ugliest parts of your loved one. A realistic relationship is almost guaranteed to function while a superficial one isn’t. You can’t love someone independently of their environment.